Friday, 29 November 2013

Five Guys - Upper Street, N1

Just what the actual fuck is all the fuss about?  The Five Guys website is plastered with positive reviews; the menu has a selection of one-liners singing their praises.  Taste is subjective I know but I just do not get it.

What do you get after you wade through the hype?  A pretty average burger.  It's not good. It's not actively bad.  The thing is you can do so much better elsewhere and for less.

For a company that prides itself using only fresh ingredients I just can't understand why that pride doesn't extend into how they actually serve their product.  The food just looks smashed together which is so strange as it passes through about nine pairs of hands before it gets to you.

The hot dog for example, mine was a bacon cheese dog, the bun is cut completely through so the fillings fall out.  The deep fried bacon was so painfully crisp I might as well have been eating glass.  I'd asked for onion which appeared as huge dice that just overpowered everthing else.

I know you don't have to have the onions in it but a nice fine dice sprinkled over the top normally adds great texture to a dog and a lovely hint of oniony sweetness as well.  GAH in fairness most of it fell out...

The fries?  You could pay a whole roman legion with the amount of salt that's caked all over them.  They come in a huge portion that mostly falls out of your weird little cuppy serve thing into the bag but give me McD's any time over these.

Positives?  The soda machine is a bit fancy innit.

Go if you like fancy soda. Go elsewhere if you like a decent burger.

Square Meal


  1. YES! I concur!!!! I've only ever had the Five Guys in London and it was truly shite. The chips were raw, the burger greasy (but not in a good way, just a way that made me feel fat). it was so bright and loud I didn't know what the hell was going on! unfortunately i didn't try the soda machine....

  2. Overrated, Overcooked, Overpriced. I wouldn't even put them above Burger King on quality. A Large Bacon-Double meal in BK is about £6. In Five Guys, an identical equivalent is £15. That's crazy money.

  3. It's great in America. Quick greasy food at its finest.